


I still can't stop thinking about you

by MagicAndSparklez



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Coping, Internal Conflict, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21555802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicAndSparklez/pseuds/MagicAndSparklez
Summary: A short bit on Ty's feelings post qoaad, dealing with the emotions that he's kept pent up. Ty-centric fic, inspired by the song Flannel by The Cardboard Swords. More details at beginning of fic!
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	I still can't stop thinking about you

**Author's Note:**

> This follows Ty and a small journey of his emotional turmoil after the events of QoAaD and before he leaves for Scholomance. Ty-centric, simply an internal fight for himself and his feelings that he's suppressed. Both the story and title take inspiration from the song Flannel by The Cardboard Swords (the title is a line from the song). This piece is a bit old, I wrote this in March and my writing style has changed a bit since, but I recently came across some old files and decided to post them now, so I hope y'all enjoy.

When Ty was back in L.A., he felt the loss hit him. When Livvy died, there was no feeling of loss because he knew he would get her back—he had to. There was no him without her, that’s how it always was.

When he was at the edge of the Lake, Kit screaming at him, he went numb. He stopped all the feelings that he had when Kit tried to wrestle the locket from his hands, his heart was beating too fast but everything was happening so slowly when he saw Kit’s face wet with tears as he screamed that he loved him.

The battle and the repercussions all happened so fast. They got back to L.A. There was a wedding, love was blooming everywhere. He saw his older brothers with those that they loved. He watched Emma and Julian at the edge of the water, their foreheads touching as they danced in slow circles, hand in hand with one of Julian's hands around her waist and one of Emma's on his shoulder. He saw Mark dance with Cristina, he watched them run to Kieran and the three of them holding each other and swaying to the music. He saw Helen and Aline laughing as they danced together, tears in his sister’s eyes as she spoke to her wife of how blessed they were by the Angel to finally be _home_.

But this wasn’t home anymore. Nowhere was.

After that night, Ty went into his bedroom to try and sleep. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t come to him. He saw the same things over and over. He saw Livvy die. He saw Kit. He saw Livvy’s pyre. He saw Kit in the Shadow Market. He remembered the night before the battle. He heard his and Kit’s vow to never being separated. He felt the _need_ to get his sister back. He saw the edge of the water where he had begun getting the items laid out. He felt Kit’s hand on his shoulder. He heard Kit’s voice begging him to stop. He felt the pang of missing Livvy. He felt the weight of the locket at his throat before he laid it out in the circle. He felt his legs betraying him as he struggled to walk to the edge of the water. He heard Kit screaming that he loved him. He felt his heart drop. He saw Livvy’s spirit rise. He saw the tears streaming down Kit’s face. He heard Livvy telling Ty he made a mistake. He saw Livvy vanish, and when he sank to his hands and knees before the water, crying out for her.

Ty pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes hard enough that he saw stars. He wasn’t going to get sleep—that much he knew—and trying was futile. He pushed himself up off his bed, his feet hitting the cool floor sending a response through his legs. He took a breath before he stood up. He went to the desk in his room and picked up his headphones, hanging them around his neck. He plugged the headphones into his phone before stuffing the device back in his pocket and walked out of his room.

Across the hall was Livvy’s room. No one had gone in there since they had left to London. Ty pushed the door open, biting the inside of his lip. He took one look at the room and closed his eyes tight. He pulled his headphones on, feeling the padded speakers settle over his ears. He reached into his pocket, eyes still closed, and from muscle memory alone, managed to turn on his music.

Soft guitar played as he took a steadying breath. Ty squeezed his hands into fists, taking another steadying breath before letting them relax. His fingers began fluttering at his sides, he took another breath. The soft guitar mixed with the soft voice of the singer, Ty let himself listen to each word and his butterfly fingers began to slow. He took one final steadying breath before opening his eyes.

The room was still in a disarray from before. There were books stacked on her nightstand, pages marked with varying colours of sticky notes. There was a journal laying open on her desk, a pen laying in the spine holding it open. Her bed was half made, the pillows piled to make a nest in the corner and one smaller pillow lay at the foot of the bed. Livvy used to always hold that pillow at night. Ty remembered from when they were young—she always slept with that pillow. It was a rectangle half the size of her torso now, but when they were little, it was just as big as she had been. It was a lilac pillow with the image of an Anna’s hummingbird on it.

It used to be Ty’s. He recalled back to when he had given it to her. Back when they were four, they shared a bedroom. Their parents had put them down for bed. That day had been the day of Mark’s Rune ceremony. Ty kept thinking back to it, how they had had a party before the ceremony, how overwhelmed he had felt with all the people around them; how at the ceremony, Mark cried out in pain at the first touch of the stele to his skin; how he was scared for his brother.

Of course, it had ended up being fine, Mark played off the pain telling Ty after the ceremony that it only felt like getting scratched by their cat, Oscar. Despite Mark’s comforting words to Ty that it was all right, he was unable to sleep. He didn’t like the people he loved getting hurt—even if it was their sacred duty to bear runes, he didn’t like it if it hurt Mark.

So, grabbing a pillow from his bed, Ty crossed to the other side of the bedroom and poked at Livvy’s arm. She wordlessly rolled over to allow room for Ty to lay down beside her. Though they were young, Livvy knew that when Ty was upset, he didn’t usually want to talk about it or comment on it; if he did, however, he would talk first.

As expected, Ty was silent. Livvy looked at him and smiled, putting one arm around his torso to test the waters—if Ty wanted comfort, he would reciprocate the hug. He returned the hug, wrapping his arms around his sister who, in turn, wrapped both arms around him and held him close.

Livvy was always cold at night, and if it wasn’t Ty unable to sleep and going to her, it was Livvy who was shivering and would crawl in to cuddle with her brother. That night, Livvy had been shivering as Ty hugged his sister. She whispered a small “goodnight, Ty-Ty” as they slowly drifted off into sleep.

In the early morning, Livvy was soon awoken by a sound, but Ty was still asleep. In their sleep, they had loosened their hold on each other, but Ty was still holding her arm as he slept. Livvy heard the sound again, something outside their bedroom door. She shook her brother awake and pointed to the door. Ty told her not to worry, telling her that it sounded like their little sister’s toddling footfall.

Sure enough, they soon heard the sound of Drusilla giggling and then the sound of her scurrying down the hall resumed. Ty smiled as Livvy giggled, Dru had entered what her parents called her “terrible twos” and was up to no good all the time. Of course, this was merely an easier way to say “she’s got a grasp on walking, she can open doors, she gets into everything, and she has very little concept of right or wrong, so she does as she pleases.”

Ty looked over to the window adjacent to the bed, sunlight streamed through around the drawn drapes. Since Drusilla was already up and wandering about, he figured he may as well get up too. Ty climbed out of bed and went to open the door. Livvy stayed where she was in bed, looking at Ty from the bed with a frown on her face. He pushed his pillow he had brought with him to his sister, and she gladly curled up around it.

That pillow, from then on, was there when Ty wasn’t. It was a small token, but it meant a lot to Livvy when they were small. Returning to the present, Ty continued looking to scan the room and take in its appearance. He noticed a cup sitting on the nightstand that had faint fingerprints still visible on it. He saw a heap of clothing sitting in the corner of the room. He saw the closet door sitting ajar with an empty hanger on the handle. He saw a hoodie of his sitting on the back of a chair. He saw a flannel on the floor under it.

Ty walked over, kneeling down next to the red and black checkered top. He brushed the back of his hand along it, feeling the soft fibres tickle his skin. It shot him back to before everything happened. He, Livvy, and Kit had been down at the beach. Ty was looking for bivalves and crustaceans, Kit was making a sandcastle, and Livvy was doing her bit by helping both--filling buckets with sand for Kit’s castle, but searching as she dug up the soft granular material.

The trio spent the better part of a day out; it was one of the last days of peace that Ty could remember with his sister. They had been researching demonic and magic code and languages for days before, on and off, and to take a break on the beach was an excellent idea proposed by Livvy. The weather had been back and forth that day, so Kit threw on a flannel over his shirt. Ty remembers how he had offered him a sweater and how he had politely declined. He remembered Livvy nudging him because he seldom offered his clothing to anyone, asking Ty how things were going between him and Kit.

The day had remained sunny until the early evening when a light rain began. While Ty simply pulled up his hood and continued noting the patterns and colour variances of clams and crabs he had come across, Livvy’s outfit wasn’t perfect for the rain, and Kit’s castle was melting away with the incoming tide and increasing rain. The trio had decided to return to the Institute, and it was wise of them to leave when they did--when they were just about on the grounds, the rain picked up and wound up dampening both Kit and Ty’s overwear, and soaking Livvy’s. When they got back, they would meet up in Livvy’s room to recuperate after their day off work. Livvy had run ahead to get changed and welcomed the boys in when they arrived shortly after. The two discarded their respective sweater and flannel across the back of an empty chair. Livvy went to her bed with a pile of books, Kit pulled out the laptop and worked at her desk, and Ty sat on the ground adjacent to the two and went through old tomes and photos collected.

Memories after that moment seemed to bleed into the next, and Ty could feel his eyes stinging. _Everything was okay then,_ he blinked away the tears that were welling up in his eyes. He shook his head hoping that he could knock the memory out--but it remained. The ocean, the sand between his fingers, Livvy laughing when Kit got himself pinched by a crab, the look of the sky as the rain slowly but surely swept them up… nothing felt broken in that moment.

 _Kit_ , he thought, closing his eyes. Ty’s hands seized the garment as he stood up, opening his eyes and finding Livvy’s bed. He sat at the edge, clutching the shirt his hands. Ty’s right hand started to tremor, his breathing becoming shallow and shaky. The air was cold in the room, he was feeling it coming down like a creeping mist, slowly encroaching around him.

With a shiver down his spine, he bit down on the inside of his bottom lip and pulled on the warm flannel with shaky hands. He breathed in the subtle scent of Kit. The smell of desert air and sage, a smell he had once found comfort in.

No matter what Ty did, Kit’s presence wouldn’t go away. From the flannel to all the memories that come in floods, he was lost in the still seas that bore semblance to Kit's eyes. Quietly, Ty began to whisper the words that used to ground him, hoping that tonight they would do the same. He shuffled up the bed and nestled into the next of pillows in the corner and pulled blankets up to cover himself, repeating the words to himself hoping that they would take effect soon.

But for the first time, the magic words did nothing.

So tonight, he would try to stay warm in Kit’s flannel and Livvy’s bed. Tonight, he would try to rid his heart of all the breaking it’d endured. He would try to find home in the freezing hollowness he felt in his chest. He would _try._

Right as he felt himself drifting off, a cold rush ran through him. His eyelids were heavy, and his breathing was slow, but he could feel _her_ presence. A tear gently slid from a storm-grey eye and he felt a cool touch on his hot cheeks. With the world beginning to fade away, he swore he heard those words one more time.

_“Goodnight, Ty-ty.”_


End file.
